You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
