dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
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