P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
