My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
This house was built for laser tag.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize