I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You can't just leave with hair like that
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
