Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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