dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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