yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize