He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
