yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize