well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
