I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
