i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
