i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
