life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
