so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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