Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
