so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
