If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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