My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
