Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
