youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I want to have your abortion
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
