oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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