U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
