I saw his package. It spoke to me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
