I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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