I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
