so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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