Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
