first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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