And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
