I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
