You're a womanizer and a bitch.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
