Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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