whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Dicks are not precious.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I need to align my fucking chakras
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