I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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