we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
