areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize