I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
