So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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