I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
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