So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
