we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
