Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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