wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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