Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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