i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
