Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
