she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
