vagina is talking i cant
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
As shirtless as possible
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
