4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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