I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize