I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
