i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
