Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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