its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
you never un-have a 4some
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
