I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
