Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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