..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
