We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
