Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
