Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
what day is it and did you see me today?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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