Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
