you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
