Well apparently he's into motor boating.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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