she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
